She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
