last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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