Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
