He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
