We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
