he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
