Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
