ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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