Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
