you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
