New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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