Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We need to rekindle our bromance
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
