im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
