just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
