Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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