my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
