did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
