I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He better not be in your backpack
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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