Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
