She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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