The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
