Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
