Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
