"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
