..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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