Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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