I think my vagina is haunted
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
