Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just found a bag of teeth...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
