My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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