I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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