we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
