R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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