69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
