We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
