...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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