Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we made out on top of his cat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
