true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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