the day after is always just damage control
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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