I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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