Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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