She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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