I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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