I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
