I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
