There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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