I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
PANTIES FOUND
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