Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
