Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
