She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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