i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
