Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
if i died would you start the facebook group?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
