addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
