She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
