I faked an abortion last night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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