My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
