Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
